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Ask yourself the following questions:
- Have you ever felt scared of your partner, someone in your family, or anyone living with you?
- Have you changed how you act or what you think because you’re worried about how they might react?
- Has anyone else ever said that your partner or family member is treating you badly?
- Do you feel like you have to be extra careful all the time to avoid upsetting them?
- Are you always tired from arguments, demands, or worrying about what might happen next?
If you said yes (or maybe) to any of them, there’s information here to help and support you.
Domestic abuse means any act of harm by a current or former partner, any family member (including in-laws), or someone who lives with you. Even one incident is abuse, but it often happens again and again. If a child lives in a home where domestic abuse is taking place, the law sees the child as a victim too, even if the abuse isn’t directed at them.
In England and Wales, there is an official legal definition of domestic abuse found on the legislation.gov.uk website. It explains that domestic abuse can take different forms:
- emotional abuse, causing you to feel bad about yourself, e.g. bullying
- psychological abuse, causing you to question your state of mind and sanity, e.g. gaslighting
- coercively controlling behaviour, using verbal or physical threats, blackmail, or psychological pressure to make you do or think certain things - there are unwritten rules, but they change unexpectedly
- sexual abuse, including any sexual act that makes you feel uncomfortable or that you do not want to do - this could include making you watch pornography
- physical abuse, whether the violence leaves visible injuries or not
- violence, which may include physical abuse but could also be breaking and smashing things in the home, or other objects
- threats, causing you to feel frightened or worried, including threats to kill you, someone else or a pet
- economic abuse, controlling money, work, or access to resources like travel, food, or services (including health services)
- other forms of abuse, which we say more about in the section
Other forms of domestic abuse
The law says that domestic abuse includes ‘other forms of abuse’ as well. This means that someone who is abusive can use anything about your life to hurt you. For example, they might use your health problems or your immigration status to threaten you, or they might keep important information or help from you. This is sometimes called 'weaponising'.
There are lots of other kinds of abuse:
- cultural identity abuse, where your beliefs and/or your cultural identity are attacked and undermined
- counter-parenting, where your parenting is constantly undermined and sabotaged, often in ways which are invisible to others
- gaslighting, where you are made to question your own perception of things, your memory, your reality; your abuser may tell you that things didn’t really happen, or you are too sensitive
- immigration abuse, using your limited rights to stay in the country, for example dependency on a spousal visa, to control or threaten you, especially if you have no recourse to public funds
- neglect, such as preventing us from getting medical help, denying medication, or failing to provide for our care needs, whether we are adults, young people, or children
- non-fatal strangulation, A violent act where pressure is applied to the neck, throat, or chest, limiting breathing or blood flow
- pet abuse, where pets or other animals are hurt, neglected, or killed, or where the abuser makes threats
- post-separation abuse, which might include other forms of abuse mentioned else-where; we know that often the abuse does not stop when you leave the relationship, it simply changes form
- sexual jealousy, when an abuser reacts strongly because they think you might be unfaithful, even if there is no evidence of this
- so-called ‘honour’-based abuse, when people use cultural or family rules to hurt or control you, so you follow their traditions or to punish you for doing something they think brings shame on your family or community
- spiritual or religious abuse, using your faith and beliefs to control your choices and to make you feel bad about yourself or parts of your life
- stalking and harassment, when someone keeps contacting you or showing up even after you’ve asked them to stop. It can also be when someone seems to know things about you and your plans, but you don’t know how they found out. The behaviours may seem small to someone else, but they feel scary
- technological abuse, tracking, spying, or stalking using hidden software on devices, or controlling / hacking your online accounts such as social media, bank accounts and so on
- weapons, which may include using or threatening with ‘normal’ household items as well as things which are already seen as weapons (such as knives and guns); abusers can use cars as weapons by driving dangerously to scare us
Anyone can experience domestic abuse
Domestic abuse can affect anyone - regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, or the type of relationship you are in.
Most victims are women and most abusers are men, but men experience abuse too.
People with disabilities or those from LGBTQIA+ communities, may face extra barriers to getting help. Specialist organisations can offer tailored support.
Children and young people
If you live in a home where domestic abuse is happening, the law recognises you as a victim too.
You may also be experiencing abuse in your own relationship.
Specialist support for children and young people is available.
Support for your situation
Domestic abuse can affect your finances, housing, mental health, and other parts of your life.
Our Get support and advice on domestic abuse page lists organisations that can help.
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Access to domestic abuse information
If you need any of the information on these pages in a different format or a different language, or hard copy, please contact us.
