Safety advice if you are experiencing domestic abuse

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General safety tips

Things you can do to make things safer or to be ready to leave in an emergency if you need to:

• keep your phone charged and make sure you have credit or keep a spare phone in a safe place - save important numbers in it
• put important documents somewhere safe, such as with a trusted friend - examples are your bank card, marriage certificate, or ID
• tell a trusted friend or neighbour what is going on - ask them to call the police if they think you are in danger
• have a list of trusted friends or family you can go to if you need to leave in an emergency - talk to them about this beforehand if you can
• make a code word, phrase, or emoji with someone you trust - they can call the police or be ready to help if you use it
• if an argument starts, try to move away from small spaces or rooms with no exits and dangerous objects, like the kitchen or bathroom
• plan how to get out of each room in your home and practise if you can - keep keys nearby
• keep a ‘go bag’ with things you need (like keys, documents, phone, money, and clothes) somewhere you can get to quickly - this could be at a friend’s house

There are some smart phone apps that can help you stay safe:

• BrightSky - a free to download mobile app providing support and information for anyone who may be in an abusive relationship or those concerned about someone
• HollieGuard - a personal safety app combining a personal alarm, deterrent, evidence catcher and more

Safety at home

There are many things you can do for increased safety at home. These will depend on whether you are living with the abuser or not.

If you live with your abuser or they spend time at your home, try to:

• find the safest part of your home if an argument starts- think of where this would be and if possible, avoid rooms with no exits and hard objects or weapons (e.g. bathroom and kitchen)
• plan an escape route from each room in your home and practice them

If you are separated from the abuser and they do not live with you, you can have safety adaptations to your home - see our Sanctuary Scheme information.

If you live with the abuser, you can follow the general safety tips we have given above.

Safety at work and in public

Things you can do to make things safer at work or in public:

• try using different routes for anything you do on a regular basis, e.g. when you take your children to school
• let anyone who looks after your children, like teachers or childminders, know who is allowed to pick them up - if you have a court order, give a copy to the school
• change your routine, for example, shop at different places or times and use a different route to get home
• let a trusted friend know about your plans and set up check-in times so they can call the police or someone else for help
• at work, if you can, tell a trusted manager about what is happening and what you need for your safety. This could include:
  • asking your colleagues to check who is calling you before passing on the call
  • asking your colleagues to check that callers are genuine before sharing your contact information, whereabouts, or plans
  • changing your start and finish times

Mental health safety

You and your wellbeing are important. For support with mental health, you can contact your GP who can discuss a range of options and can make referrals for you.

You can find other mental health support on our Get support and advice page.

Planning to leave

If you are planning to leave, this can make things more dangerous.

See our Advice on leaving the abuse page.

Safer technology and devices

If you are worried your device is monitored, try to use a safe phone/computer. Your mobile phone provider will help you check your phone settings to make sure it is safe for you - you can go into their store.

You might also want to think about how to clear call logs, browsing history, and cookies from all your devices.

You can find more advice and step-by-step guides for a range of technology and devices on the Refuge website.

Tailored safety planning

Domestic abuse often shares many common problems, but your situation is unique and may need special consideration.

To get personalised safety advice and a plan for leaving, contact the Oxfordshire Domestic Abuse Service, or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.

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